


The Fall

by Chalichi



Series: Breakdown [1]
Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-03 18:09:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13346673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chalichi/pseuds/Chalichi
Summary: When Jesus is wrongfully accused of having a intimate relationship with one of his students his life turns completely upside down.





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Hello fandom!  
> I’m back again after a long ass break from writing!  
> I’ve been caught up with life.  
> Work, studying and taking care of my family was taking a toll on my writing hours, not to mention all the other shit I’ve been dealing with. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope to be back!  
> I wrote this work as a try to cure my writers block, and will hopefully get back to my other fics laying there and waiting for me!  
> So I hope you’ll enjoy this story for now! 
> 
> Please read the tags, I don’t want anyone to get triggered or anything because of me!

Jesus glared at the his computer screen.   
The “game over” title was glaring back at him almost mockingly.   
This was his life now. Playing games, his only social life coming from the online chat and the meetings with his psychiatrist every other week, or even more rarely because if him blowing her off constantly. 

He hadn’t chosen that life, but sometimes he really liked the solitude just fine.   
Sitting alone playing his video games by the computer alone, eating alone, not having to care about anyone else but himself.   
At least that was what he constantly told himself when the loneliness began to gnaw at him too much.

It hadn’t always been that way.   
Jesus hadn’t always been alone.   
No, Jesus had been one of the most well liked and respected teachers at Alexandria High school.   
He was the kind of teacher who all kids went to when they had problems or just needed someone they could talk to, someone who would listen. Because they knew he did.  
He really cared for his students, not just for them to get a good grades, but for them to get the best chance in life.   
He picked up the kids who were falling back in class and sat down with them, giving them a chance to get back on track with extra tutoring. He was sitting down with them on his free time, taking his time.  
He lived and breathed for his job! 

That was until he met Ethan.   
Ethan was a new kid in his class. He started in the middle of the semester, due to his mother transferring to another job.   
He was a special kid. Always sitting in the back in class, either listening to music or playing games on his phone.   
Not paying any attention at all.   
Jesus kept his eyes on him for a few weeks, thinking that he needed some time, that maybe he would at least try later on.   
But as time progressed Ethan continued to slack off.   
And because of him starting later he’d already a ton of work to catch up on to start with! 

Jesus tried talking to the other teachers, them giving him the same story.   
Ethan wasn’t paying any attention in their classes either.   
So Jesus took it upon himself in trying to reach out to the kid, just like he had with so many others. 

He started out slowly. Tried to talk with him when he ended the lesson.  
He asked if he was bullied and how his home situation was after a little while longer. 

At first Ethan refused to answer the questions, something Jesus had expected.   
So he took his time and waited Ethan out.   
And after another couple of days Ethan actually opened up to him.

He said that he wasn’t bullied and that he only lived with his mom, and that she worked nights, leaving him by himself almost every night. 

Jesus asked him If he wanted some help with his homework, since his mother didn’t have the time to help him herself.   
Jesus assured him that they would be on school grounds and they wouldn’t be studying for more than an hour a time three days a week, just until he catched up. 

So after a brief conversation with Ethan’s mom and the principal things were settled.   
It felt like a small victory to Jesus. 

Everything was going great. Ethan turned out to be a really smart kid, making great progress after only a few weeks. 

“Do you have kids if your own?” Ethan asked him out of the blue one day.   
It was nearing the end of the day. Jesus was brought up from the tests he was currently correcting to look down at Ethan.

“I don’t.” Jesus answered, folding his hands over the pile of papers on his desk.   
“Why do you ask?” 

“Just wondering. You seem so involved in your students so I was just curious i guess.” Ethan asked looking down on his English assignment again.   
“Do you have a girlfriend then?” 

Jesus smiled and shook his head, leaning back in the chair.

“Why not?” Dylan asked, apparently having lost his interest in his assignment completely.

“I don’t like girls.” Jesus answered simply after a while.  
“And I haven’t found anyone I like.” 

“Wait.” Ethan said, his eyes turning into slits as he stared up at Jesus.  
“You’re gay? I have a gay teacher!!”   
He was spitting out the word in disgust and got up from the chair like it had burned him. 

Jesus stared at the kid in shock. It wasn’t like Jesus ranted on about his sexuality with everyone he met, but it wasn’t like it was a big secret either.   
Everyone in the faculty knew, and he was sure the majority of his students knew as well. 

“I can’t believe this! And I’ve been alone with you! This it disgusting!” Ethan continued to scream as he threw his books into his bag and walked towards the door.

“Ethan, what...” Jesus said helplessly and got up from his chair.

“Don’t come near me!” Ethan shouted and left the room, slamming the door behind him and leaving Jesus alone in the classroom completely stunned.

*

That night he was roused awake by a harsh knocking on the door and flashing lights outside his window.   
He already knew what he would find outside the door before he opened it.  
He felt his entire being shatter to pieces when the police officer turned him around and cuffed him as his neighbors stood outside and watched them.

“Paul Rovia, you’re under arrest for sexual assault of a minor. You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say can be used...” 

Everything from that point was in a blur of flashing lights and his own personal chaos.   
He had no memory of the car ride into the police station, he had no idea of how long he had to wait in the tiny white colored room before he got interrogated. 

It turned out that Ethan had called the principal after he’d gotten home and told him that Jesus had gotten to close to him, that he had sex with him against his will and had said that Jesus would give him good grades if Ethan kept his mouth shut. 

“We will be searching your personal computer as well as your work computer. We have the warrant right here.” Officer Walsh said and handed him a piece of paper. 

“I...” Jesus said and stared blankly at the paper with unseeing eyes.

“I know this must be hard for you, but we take these accusations very seriously.” Walsh said.  
“And according to your boss you’ve been rather involved with the kids in your class, helping them out more than you have to, which doesn’t help your case right now.” 

“I am. But that doesn’t mean I’m interested in them in any other way than the other teachers are!” Jesus snapped, feeling the stress and pressure finally getting to him as the initial shock started to drain out of him.   
“I haven’t done anything wrong.” He hissed. 

“We’ll find out sooner or later.” Walsh said calmly and walked out of the room, leaving Jesus alone yet again. 

*

Jesus got released after four days of interrogation. Four long days of the same repeating questions - “what did you do to the kids, did you touch them inappropriately, do you fantasize about minors.”   
He could hear the questions in his dreams when he finally fell asleep out of pure exhaustion.   
And then he would wake up with a start from dreams of flashing lights and Ethan’s laughing face. 

*

Jesus found out that the police had interviewed the whole faculty and the students Jesus had been involved with.  
And when they couldn’t find anything supporting Ethan’s story, they’d dropped the case. 

*

When he got home to his small one story house he could feel his neighbors curious gaze in the back of his head, wondering what he’d done, talking about him behind his back. 

He sighed and unlocked the door, not having the energy to deal with his nosy neighbors in any way. 

He tossed his keys on the hall table, walked over to his couch and sat down with a deep sigh.   
‘What the fuck was he supposed to do now?!’   
He thought about his job, his colleagues, his entire life!   
What would happen to him?! 

He didn’t get the chance to ponder the thoughts running wild in his head for the last four days as his phone startled him out of them. 

“Hello?” He answered with a shaky voice. 

“Paul?” A familiar voice was heard in the other end.   
“It’s principal Greene. I was told you were getting home today, I’ve tried calling you all morning.”

“Oh” Jesus said, looking at his phone, and just as Herschel said, there was 20 missed calls from him.   
“Sorry, just got home.” Jesus responded weakly. 

“I understand, just wanted to make sure I got the chance to talk to you as soon as possible.” Hershel said calmly.   
“I wanted to know what you’re planning on doing next?”

It took a while for Jesus to register what Hershel was talking about, his brain working much slower than it usually did.   
“I don’t know what would be best in this situation.” Jesus answered after a few seconds, or hours, Jesus wasn’t sure. 

“From what I’ve heard you’ve been cleared completely of any changes, so I don’t have any reason to not let you continue your work here.   
Ethan even came clean yesterday, telling me and the police it was all a stupid prank. Apparently he didn’t think it would blow up like this.   
Although...” he said in a exhausted tone. “I can’t tell you the students parents will be so thrilled about having a teacher with this kind of accusations working this closely to their kids.” 

Jesus sighed deeply and raked his hand through his shoulder long hair.   
What had he expected?! To be welcomed back to the school with opened arms? Maybe a “sorry for lying to the police!” No, he didn’t think Ethan would do that.   
So, If he chose to go back like nothing had happened some of his students would despise him or avoid him like the plague.   
And If he gave up and quit it would be like digging his own grave.   
He had nothing else but his job, no friends, no hobbies, nothing. 

“Hello? Paul? Are you still there?” Hershel’s voice brought him back from his inner monologue.   
“I know it’s a hard decision to make right now but...” 

“No.” Jesus interrupted him.   
“No, I understand. I know what I must do.” Jesus shut his eyes and sighed deeply again.   
“I resign.” As soon as the words left Jesus lips his heart clenched in his chest and dropped like a stone. “It’s for the best.” 

*

Jesus life took a toll for the worse after he’d quit his job, much like he’d thought.   
He had nothing to fill his life with at all.   
The first few weeks he’d just spent in bed, sleeping the days away, only getting up to eat or use the toilet.   
Nothing else.

He looked at himself in the bathroom mirror after washing his hands.   
He was a lot paler that he used to, almost at a sickly level.   
His usually neatly kept hair had grown quite a bit and his cleanly shaven face had began to grow a full beard.   
He decided that he couldn’t care less, he had no job, no purpose in life anymore.   
Why shouldn’t he look like the bum he was feeling like?

He groaned and turned away from the mirror, not standing to look at himself anymore. 

*

A few more weeks passed in the same manner. Jesus sleeping his life away.   
His thoughts had grown darker, as time progressed.   
Thoughts about not having a purpose anymore, that he wasn’t worth anything anymore, nobody would miss him if he were gone. 

He would have recurring flashbacks of his time spent in the tiny cell, echoing voices asking him questions he couldn’t understand.   
He had other flashbacks as well. Flashbacks from memories he thought he’d forgotten, buried deep inside in the darkest pits of his brain. 

He actually scared himself at one point when he caught himself staring at his shiny barber knife, actually thinking about cutting himself, ending his pathetic life for good.

“Get a grip!” He told himself out loud and backed away from the bathroom sink in horror.   
“I need help.”

*

The next day he decided to go outside, get hold of a shrink of some sort, make them fix him so he could get a hold of his life again.   
He put on his leather coat, and a beanie, not that the weather was cold or anything, but he didn’t want to be recognized.  
He didn’t have the energy to talk to anyone.

He walked over to the door, getting ready to turn the knob and get out. 

Flashes of red and blue lights danced around in his mind. The smell of old urin and sweat in a cramped white room flashed through right after and a cold sweat started to break out all over his body.   
He shivered and backed away from the door, looking at it with wide eyes. 

He tried again, succeeding to actually putting his hand on the doorknob before he gave up.   
His pulse skyrocketed and he was hyperventilating as if he’d been running for miles.

“What’s wrong with me?!” He screamed at the empty room. 

*

After a few tries and excessive searching he’d actually been able to find a psychiatrist who made house calls. 

Dr Peletier was a gray haired, slim woman with piercing blue eyes that was able to look into your very soul.   
But when she smiled at him he was filled with warmth and couldn’t help but to feel safe for the first time in weeks. 

He offered her a seat on one of his worn kitchen chairs and took a seat in front of her. 

“I would’ve offered you a cup of coffee or something, but I haven’t been able to go to the store...” he tried to joke, but cut himself off by the ridicule of his situation. 

“It’s quite alright. I grabbed myself a cup of coffee on my way over here, so I’ll be fine.” She said and smiled at him.   
“Why don’t you start with filling me in on what happened to you?” 

Jesus took a deep breath and started from the beginning.   
He told her about his previous job, how much he’d loved it, how much of his life he’d dedicated into the kids.   
He told her about Ethan and how he’d wanted to help him.   
Then he told her about how Ethan had reacted when he’d told him about his sexuality. 

“I never thought he would react like that! If I’d known I wouldn’t had said anything!” Jesus said, shaking his head while he stared unseeingly at the dr Peletiers notes on the table. 

“Yes, but you didn’t know and you never could have. So what happened next?” She said, snapping Jesus back from his trance. 

“I watched him leave the classroom.” He continued.   
He told her about how the police had come in the middle of the night to bring him in, about the interrogation and that they’d held him locked up in a tiny room for four days.   
Next he told her about the phone call from Hershel and how he’d resigned from his job. 

When he was done with the story about one of the darkest parts of his life he kept his gaze down, feeling naked and exposed. 

“How does everything you’ve told me make you feel?” She asked him next. 

“I don’t know. Sad? Empty?” He answered.   
“I kind of feel like I don’t have anything to live for anymore.” 

Dr Peletier nodded and wrote something in her notebook.   
“Have you thought about taking your own life?” She asked next.

“Yes.” He answered quietly, squeezing his eyes closed. Feeling even more ashamed about himself for saying it out loud that he had for thinking about it in the first place. 

“You mentioned before that you hadn’t been able to go down to the store.” Jesus opened his eyes and looked at her.  
“You said that you hadn’t been able to, not that you had forgotten or hadn’t had the time, so I’m thinking that you may feel some distress about leaving your home, am I correct about that assumption?” 

Jesus swallowed hard, his throat suddenly feeling very dry.   
“I-I...” was all he got out in a raspy voice that sounded nothing like his own. 

Dr Peletier looked at him in understanding and wrote some more in her notebook. 

“From what I can tell from what you’ve told me,” She said after a few moments of silence. “Is that you are depressed and have developed ptsd.” She said looking up at him. 

“Wait, ptsd? I thought that was something soldiers got when they’ve been at war!” Jesus said in complete disbelief. 

“No, it’s not exclusively soldiers who gets it, even ordinary people like you and me can develop ptsd. Since you were under a lot of stress and trauma from what happened to you your body and mind couldn’t handle what you went through.” She explained.   
“I’m thinking you have some other forms of unresolved problems as well? Maybe a childhood trauma?” 

Jesus only nodded once at her question, feeling completely drained.   
“How do I fix this?” He asked quietly. A feeling of hopeless sweeping over him like a cold blanket.

“Well, I can prescribe some antidepressants for the depression, but you’ll need some more work with the ptsd. Therapy has been know to work, but it’s not an easy fix I’m afraid. It can take years for you to recover.” She said, looking apologetic. 

All the information dr Peletier had given to his was spinning around in his head making it buzz like a hive of angry bees.  
How long did she say it could take again? Would he ever get better? Did she say something about drugs? 

She smiled sadly and took out a pamphlet from her suitcase and put it on the table.   
“Here read this and think about it a couple of days.”  
Then she took out another piece of paper and wrote something on it.   
“Here are all the numbers you’ll need, since you can’t go to the store yourself you’ll need someone to do it for you, and my number is here too.”  
She said pointing at the different numbers, underlining the important ones.


	2. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! It took a little longer than I thought to get this up!   
> But it’s up now! 
> 
> I really hope you’ll like the second half of this story!

As the weeks went by Jesus got sick and tired of just sleeping the days away.  
His only form of social life were dr Peletier and the girl, Maggie, who was doing his shopping for him. Even though he appreciated talking with Maggie, she always stayed longer than she needed to after dropping his groceries off.  
And he liked talking with Carro too, but he couldn’t help but to feel more and more restless.

He knew he couldn’t get a hobby that required him leaving the confines of his home.   
So he decided to go for his second choice of entertainment!   
He went for the gaming community instead. 

He’d been quite involved in various video games in his childhood, but what he found was nothing like how it had been when he was a kid! 

The titles of games available was endless, and the consoles were a lot more expensive than he’d thought.   
And with him living on a measly sick pay at the moment wasn’t earning him a lot of money.   
But he really needed something to do, dr Peletier or Carol, as she preferred him calling her, had actually encouraged him to get some sort of hobby. And he really needed something to shut his brain off at times.   
The flashbacks and constant anxiety was draining him to no end.   
Combining that with the strong antidepressants he was taking, and you got yourself a really drowsy zombie!   
So, a hobby was exactly what he intended to get! 

*

He decided against buying a completely new gaming system as he already owned a perfectly good computer, figuring he could just buy new parts to his computer if it worked too slow.

He signed up on a few online gaming forums with the nickname “Jesus_christ”.   
His hair was almost reaching well below his shoulders and he’d grown out a full beard, so the nick suited him just fine!   
Even Carol had began to call him Jesus at times. 

He started out playing a few games he’d heard of, like world of Warcraft and call of duty.  
And he actually found that shooting fictional people in the head was kind of therapeutic.   
He found running around in fictional worlds equally relaxing. 

Online he could be who he wanted to be.   
He could be a wizard, a hunter or even a orc.   
He found it comforting that nobody knew who he really was!   
He almost felt completely normal again inside the little bubble he’d created. 

*

He was deep inside a scouting mission when he heard the buzzing of his phone ringing in the distance. 

“Aww shit.” He muttered into his microphone. 

“What?!” A user of the name ‘simply-Rhee234’ said. 

“My phone is ringing. I think I need to take this, it’s been going off all day.” Jesus sighed.   
“I’ll just put you guys on mute and continue playing.” He said, doing just that. 

“Hello?” He said when he’d answered and pressed the phone between his ear and shoulder, keeping his eyes fixated on the screen. 

“Paul, hi! It’s Carol. I’ve been trying to reach you all day. Are you all right?” She asked sounding both annoyed and concerned at the same time. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Been busy is all.” He said distantly, cussing quietly as his online party had wandered into a goblin ambush.   
“Did you want something?” He asked, wanting to end the call as fast as possible to be able to focus on the game. 

“Yes, you’ve been canceling our appointments more and more recently, and I wanted to call and schedule a new one. 

“It’s really not a good time right now. Shit!” He hissed as a troll appeared right behind him and took a swing at him with a huge club.   
“Maybe I you could call me again tomorrow?” He asked, getting more annoyed at the situation by the second. 

“I won’t be in my office tomorrow I’m afraid.” Carol said sounding just as annoyed as Jesus felt. 

“It’s just, that I’m really busy right now.” Jesus growled as he saw his characters hp ticking down in a fast pace as the troll kept on charging at him, and before he knew it the troll got in one last blow and the ‘game over’ screen started flashing on the computer screen. 

Jesus heart sank in his chest as he kept on staring at the screen. 

He heard the light “thump” as his phone hit the floor when it slipped from its place on his shoulder. 

“Hello? Paul?!” He heard Carol’s voice from the phones speaker.   
Jesus leaned down and picked the phone from the floor and swiftly turned it off. 

He looked back at the “game over” screen again, as the feeling of loneliness suddenly swept over him.   
“Fuck.” He said loudly to himself as he opened the message page.   
He really needed to apologize to his party members, but he didn’t have the energy to speak to them.   
So he figured he could send them a message each instead. 

As he stared typing his apology to his party members he heard the “ding” of a incoming message. 

‘Devi1-Lorde: hey dude!’ 

Jesus smiled when he saw who it was.   
Devi1 or ‘Daryl’ was one of the first people Jesus had gotten in touch with on the site. 

Jesus really liked him and considered him as a fried even though they’d never met in person.   
They never talked about really personal stuff, but he knew Daryl had a older brother and a job.   
And Daryl knew Jesus was out of work.   
He never asked why, which Jesus was grateful for.   
He didn’t think he could lie to Daryl about it.  
Hell, the mere thought about lying to Daryl felt wrong. 

He leaned forward on his chair and stared typing a response to Daryl, putting his apology to the others on a back burner for now.   
He needed a little pick me up right now, and writing to Daryl was just that!  
It made him happy!

‘Jesus_christ: hey! What’s up?’ 

‘Devi1-lorde: nothin’ much. Just finished playing for tonight. Saw you was online so I just thought I’d write to you.’

‘Devi1-lorde: what have you been up to?’

‘Jesus_christ: was playing with a few guys. Didn’t end too well for us though.’ 

‘Devi1-lorde: HAH! Been there! Can’t do great all the time.’ 

Jesus shook his head, he’d seen Daryl’s stats, he was one of the best players on the site. 

‘Jesus_christ: sure man! I know you’re awesome!’ 

‘Devi1-lorde: wasn’t in the beginning. Been playing for a really long time!’ 

‘Jesus_christ: how do you get to play so much and still have a full time job???’ 

Jesus knew for a fact that Daryl worked full time, he’d said so much himself. But how the duck did he have time for it? 24 hours a day couldn’t be enough! 

‘Devi1-lorde: gaming is my job.’ 

Jesus jaw dropped to the floor. Was Daryl serious? 

‘Devi1-lorde: I play games for money and test out new games, giving the developers my review of them the games I play for them.   
Tell them what I liked and what they can do better. Stuff like that. It’s a pretty sweet gig!’ 

‘Jesus_christ: I bet! Where do I sign up?!’ 

‘Devi1-lorde: get better at gaming and I might just recommend you!;)’ 

Jesus laughed out loud at Daryl’s response. There was no way Jesus could get even nearly as good as Daryl. 

He shook his head and glanced at his phone, feeling his heart sink as a wave of guilt hit him hard. He really shouldn’t have treated Carol like that after all she’d done for him.   
All she wanted to do was help him, and he had treated her like garbage for weeks!   
Blowing off appointments just because “he didn’t feel like talking.”   
In all honesty he blew it off because all he wanted to do was play his games and talk to his online friends more than to put his life back together.   
All because it was easier to hide from the problems than to fix them. 

He sighed and started typing to Daryl again. 

‘Jesus_christ: I blew my psychiatrist off today. Again.’ 

Jesus didn’t know why he wrote it to Daryl. Maybe he just felt like talking to someone about what a complete jerk he’d been, and Daryl seemed like someone he could talk to.   
Or, he really hoped he was. 

‘Devi1-lorde: oh? And why did you do that?’ 

‘Jesus_christ: I was playing and she called me. Didn’t feel like talking to her, so when I died in the game I just turned my phone off...’ 

‘Devi1-lorde: seems like a awfully shitty thing to do.’ 

Jesus cringed a little at Daryl’s response and felt impossibly even more ashamed of what he’d done than before. 

‘Jesus_christ: I know. Feel like shit about it. The sad thing is that it’s not even the first time I did it.’ 

‘Devi1-lorde: you’re making a thing of slamming the phone in the ear of your psychiatrist?’ 

Once again Jesus laughed out loud. The complete bluntness of Daryl’s answer was both brutally honest and hilarious at the same time. 

‘Jesus_christ: no, but I’ve blown our appointments off for a long time. Said I hadn’t felt like talking and stuff, all because I’ve wanted to play instead.’ 

It took a while for Daryl to answer that time.   
Jesus fingers hovered over the keyboard, thinking about changing the topic somehow.   
He’d just started typing when Daryl’s response popped up on the screen. 

‘Devi1-lorde: seems to me you’re trying to run from your problems instead of fixing them, which I’m not judging you for at all, it’s much easier, but not a good solution in the long run.   
But I guess you’ve come to that conclusion yourself, because you’re a smart guy, I can tell!   
I don’t know the reason of why you’re talking to a psychiatrist, and I’m not asking you to tell me either.   
I mean you can tell me if you want to, but I don’t really need to know.  
Anyway if you want to hear my advice, i think you should call your psychiatrist as soon as possible and schedule another appointment with her. And tell her you’re sorry you hung up on her too!’ 

Jesus read Daryl’s message three times before he responded with a ‘I will, thank you so much for listening.’ And then told him goodnight.

Jesus did feel a little better after talking to Daryl about it, and just like Daryl had said, he really was running away from his problems, he’d come to that conclusion himself.   
So he would call Carol back.   
On Monday. 

*

“Hello, dr Peletier speaking.” Carol answered after the first tone. 

“Hi, it’s Paul.” Jesus said.   
He’d practiced a apology speech all weekend, but his mind went completely blank when he heard her voice.

“Oh Paul! Didn’t expect to hear from you.” She said sternly. 

“I’m really sorry.” He said.   
“I had a whole speech prepared, but I can’t remember any of it.” 

“You know, these things happen, I’ve seen and been through a lot worse.   
And you know, I can’t really make you do anything.   
If you don’t want my help it’s completely your call. But I can tell you this,” She said in a calm, almost motherly voice, “In order for you to get better you really need the help. And if you don’t like me, I can provide another doctor for you.” 

Jesus went completely silent. He wasn’t expecting Carol to say anything like that at all! He liked her! He didn’t want her to go away! 

“Do you understand what I’m trying to tell you Paul?” She asked. 

“I do.” Jesus said hurriedly. “ I don’t want another doctor, I want to reschedule another meeting with you.” Jesus said, breathing out slowly afterwards. 

“I’m really happy to hear that.” She said and he heard the rustling of papers being turned.   
“I don’t have time until two weeks from now, that okay with you?” 

“It’s fine. I can wait.” He said. 

“Good. Don’t hesitate to call me Incase you’re starting to feel any worse okay?”

“I know, and I will. Thank you Carol. And again, I’m really sorry.” 

*

Over the course of the week Daryl and Jesus continued to write back and forth to each other.  
Jesus really felt a connection with the other man even though he’d never met him, he didn’t even know what he looked like!   
His profile picture was of a animated dark angel, so that didn’t give him any clues at all.

They had been talking all day long about what games Daryl had been listed to play next, talking back and forth about graphics and various gameplay mechanics, all while Jesus was psyching himself about one particular question.   
He really wanted to know what Daryl looked like. He wanted to have a face on the one person he talked with the most.   
Wanted to know if it matched the face he had in his mind for him.   
Not to say that would get angry or disappointed if it didn’t.   
No he just wanted to know how the one person who could bring him a small source of happiness in his otherwise glum world looked like!   
It wasn’t that bad. Right? 

‘Devi1-lorde: I really hope the new dlc keeps up with my expectations, or else I will be pisst!’ 

‘Jesus_christ: can I ask something from you? Not game related...’ 

Jesus bit down on his nail as he waited for Daryl to respond. What if he got mad? What if he stopped talking to him? He could feel his heart beat uncontrollably in his chest. 

‘Devi1-lorde: sure man, what do you need?’ 

Jesus breathed out slowly, trying to calm himself down and stared typing. 

‘Jesus_christ: I kinda want to know what you look like?   
We’ve been talking for weeks, so I’m kinda curious. Hope I’m not totally wierding you out right now...’

Jesus was sure his heart would jump up to his throat and build its new home next to his tonsils by the way it was behaving. His hands wouldn’t stop shaking, making the marker fly around on his screen.   
He let go of the mouse and clenched his hands together.   
Then he concentrated on breathing slowly, the last thing he needed was to pass out because of him hyperventilating. 

‘Devi1-lorde: umm, sure. Seems reasonable enough. Mind sending me your phone number then?’ 

Jesus eyes widened, the cogs in his brain turning around wildly.   
Why did he need his phone number for sending him a picture? 

‘Devi1-lorde: the camera on my phone is much better than the one on my computer. Just thought I should explain myself’ 

Jesus felt a little stupid not to have thought about the camera on the phone.   
Apparently Daryl wanted to send Jesus a new picture instead of an older one! 

‘Jesus_christ: I don’t mind, as long as you promise not to hand it out to anyone.’ 

Jesus typed back, smiling a little. This was going better than he’d hoped it would. 

‘Devi1-lorde: promise! I can even send you my number first!’ 

Daryl replied, sending a phone number right afterwards.   
Jesus was grinning from ear to ear, typed in his number and pushed send. 

Then he waited, checking his phone every two seconds even though he knew he hadn’t gotten anything. 

Then just as he was checking if he’d given Daryl the correct number his phone buzzed, making him jump a little. 

Jesus fumbled a little with his phone, his sweaty hands making it slip a little in his grasp, but he managed to unlock the phone after a few tries.   
He opened the text and saw a selfie from the most gorgeous guy he’d ever seen.   
He had high cheekbones, piercing blue eyes and dark shoulder long hair that framed his face perfectly. 

“Is this really you?” Jesus texted him, not bothering with the chat since he had the guys number. 

“Yeah! And now it’s your turn” he got back right away. 

Jesus fumbled with the phone again, trying to get the front camera to work with him.   
He did finally manage take a selfie that didn’t make him look to pale and sickly and sent it. 

“I really get the Jesus Christ nickname now!” He got back after a few of the longest seconds in his life.

“Yeah, well. I got that style working for me right now.” Jesus typed back. 

“I like it! You’re really cute!” Daryl sent back.

And Jesus couldn’t help the stupid smile forming in on his lips. That really went way better than he could’ve hoped. 

*

“You’re smiling.” Carol said about an half hour into their meeting.   
Jesus had glanced down to his phone and seen that he had a new text message from Daryl.   
He hadn’t even noticed the smile taking form on his lips. 

“Yeah, I guess I am!” He said and looked up to meet Carols gaze. 

“That’s good!” She said.   
“Something new happen?” 

Jesus nodded and placed the phone on the table, deciding against answering the text from Daryl straight away.  
“I’ve met someone. A new friend.” He said.   
“He makes me happy. Listens.” 

Carol smiled and nodded. Writing something in her notebook.   
“That’s good Jesus. Really good. I’m happy for you.”   
Then she looked up from her notes and met Jesus gaze again, looking nothing else but genuinely happy. 

“Yeah, me too.” He said, glancing at the phone again.   
“Me too.” 

*

“I think I’m ready to tell you. Why I’m seeing a psychiatrist.” Jesus wrote down and pressed send. 

They had been texting each other the past weeks, completely abandoning the chat they used to use. 

Jesus really felt ready. He wanted Daryl to know.   
A part of him was afraid of Daryl hating him, or judging him as hard at he judged himself.   
But another part of him, the rational part, told him that Daryl would never judge him.   
Jesus decided to listen to that part of himself. 

“You sure?” Daryl texted back immediately. 

“Yes. If you want to hear it that is.” Jesus sent. 

Daryl’s answered as quick as usual.   
“Of course I do! But I just want you to know that you don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready.” 

Jesus smiled and shifted a little in his bed, so he would lay as comfortable as possible.   
He was ready, he wanted Daryl to know. 

And so he began to type down everything that had happen, starting from the beginning.   
It was the longest message he’d ever written to anyone.   
Maybe this wasn’t something you should talk over by text, but since all they’d ever done was to text to each other it felt like the right thing to do.   
Natural. 

Daryl’s response came after a few moments.   
“I wish I could be with you right now. Give you a hug or something.” 

“A hug would be nice.” Jesus answered. 

It took a while longer for Daryl to respond after that.   
Jesus had almost drifted off to sleep, the buzz of his phone jolting him awake. 

“Since you shared your story, I feel like I should tell you mine.   
I’ve seen multiple of psychiatrist over the years. Mostly because of my fathers abuse of me as a kid.   
He was an alcoholic and beat me up a lot.   
It screwed me up completely.   
I’m fine now. Took me a few years.   
I just thought you should know.   
It gets better. Over time.” 

Jesus smiled, feeling closer to the other man than he ever had to anyone else.   
Maybe it was because they’d just shared a huge part of themselves to each other, or maybe it was because he was really tired, but he dared to type in a single heart emoji and send it without hesitation. 

Daryl responded by sending one in return, followed by “Going to sleep now, talk to you tomorrow” 

Jesus fell asleep with a smile on his face. 

*

Jesus and Daryl continued texting each other over the course of the weeks, abandoning the chat completely.   
Jesus felt more secure with the texting anyway.   
They’d hadn’t progressed much in their relationship, keeping it at a friendly level.   
But Jesus couldn’t deny butterflies in his stomach he got every time he got a new text from Daryl.   
Or the goofy smile he got that was glued to his face permanently. 

Even Carol had began to tease him for it, calling Daryl his boyfriend or special friend. 

“This is good for you.” Shed said when Jesus had once again told her it wasn’t like that.   
“He makes you happy, i can tell. This is good, allow yourself to be happy.” 

He decided against the negative voice that had lived inside his head for almost a year, telling him that it was his fault this had happened to him, and took Carol’s words to heart. He deserved to be happy! He actually did! 

*

Jesus eyes were glued to his computer screen, just like most late nights.   
He was deeply focused, trying to solve a mission he’d been failing at for weeks!   
He was so close he could almost taste the victory, when he heard the soft buzzing of his phone. 

He tried to ignore it, thinking he could call back later or the next day.   
But then his mind wandered to what he’d done to Carol, blowing her off, and decided against it. 

Sighing he aborted the mission, thinking he’d just had to deal with the angry messages he’d get in his inbox later. 

He picked up his phone and looked at the screen.   
His eyes almost bugged out of his head when he saw Daryl’s name on the screen.   
Jesus could hear his rapid heartbeat in his ears and he felt lightheaded as his thumb hovered over the answer button.   
He pressed it and put the phone to his ear. 

“Hello?” He said, his voice sounding weak and wrong in his ears. 

“Hey!” He heard Daryl’s voice in the other end. He sounded every bit as nervous as he was.   
“I.. don’t really know why I called.” He continued.  
“I guess I just really wanted to hear your voice. Wanted to know if it is as sweet as i imagined.” 

Jesus could feel his face heating up as his heart sped up yet again. 

“And?” He asked, licking his suddenly very dry lips. “Is it?” He asked.

“It is!” Daryl answered.  
“It really is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m thinking about making a series of this story. 
> 
> Haven’t decided anything yet since I have other stories to finish first, but I have some ideas! 
> 
> Thank you for reading! :)

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you liked the first part of my story.  
> The second part will be uploaded sometime this weekend! 
> 
> Comments are always appreciated!! :)


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